Things that make me go…..”Huh”

I hate that this is necessary, but I have to add it in.

About 50% reading this are going to be offended. If you are one of them, you are likely someone I have noticed doing at least one of the things I am talking about. While my intent isn’t to be hurtful, I won’t moderate my opinions either. Read it, or don’t. Your choice.

Today’s subject…Facebook. And the things that confuse me that people say or do, when they are safely behind a keyboard.

Keyboard hero
Someone who abuses/annoys/threatens/flames other people on the internet knowing that they will never have to fear retribution thanks to their anonymity.(Urban Dictionary)
My definition is a little more broad. When you make a post, about “someone” and “something” they did that pisses you off. Or vague allegations as to people who are talking about you. OR assuming a person’s post is about you. All these things drive me INSANE. Seriously people, what the HELL has happened to society? One, if you make a post I suspect is aimed at me, I am going to ignore you, and laugh on the inside. Because obviously, you can’t be an adult and ask me about whatever the holy hell your problem is. Two, why put your personal beefs out like that? To get people to ask you about it is my thought. I can’t see any other rational reason, but then, I don’t know how most people’s minds work. I dont believe I want to know, to quite honest. I’m sure my posts occasionally make people think I have issues too! I don’t mind. We are all entitled to say what we want, I just wonder why people post the things they do.
Here is the probable offensive part:
Posting how much you miss _____ thirty times a day. Yes, I get it. I miss my children. I miss my husband right now.  I have bad days. But I would rather people NOT think “Wow, she is weak”. I am not superwoman. I get tired of being alone. You know what though? They are safe. They are HERE, on U.S. soil.
They are not in a foreign country, with their battles, looking at a pictures of me, and wondering what I am doing. I am not sitting up all night, waiting for a phone call from the sand box. Maybe I am a little less tolerant than most. My husband has deployed three times, and I don’t hold false hope that he won’t have a fourth. Will I cry some nights? You bet. Will I ask the world to feel bad for me? No, I won’t. I will hold my head up, cry when I hear the National Anthem, stay up drinking coffee while I watch news coverage of the latest terrorist attack and pray every day he makes it back safely. I will call my sister, or my mom when I think I can’t take another day. I won’t spend my days looking for sympathy from people that read my posts on their news feed.
Whew, went off on a tangent there. Back to my original rant.
I do have sympathy for wives, mom’s and girlfriends who are just entering the Military lifestyle. I understand for most, this is a whole new world. And it is a hard one to get used to. Rules, regulations, and just general uncertainty gets to us all. But that doesn’t mean you should sit home feeling sorry for yourself either. Or, more accurately, on Facebook. It boggles my mind how differently people approach the changes. Im going to call someone out to prove my point, and I know she wont mind( and if she does, she can kiss it!)
My sister. Alecia Hendricks. New wife. Three beautiful boys from a previous relationship. Her husband is in BCT right now, due to graduate next week. I love my brother in law, and how happy he makes my sister(off point I know). She has received maybe 5 letters. Maybe the same in calls. Where he talks to her, and his three step-sons who he loves very much. They don’t talk long, but she doesn’t mind. Know why? She knows, without a doubt he loves and misses them. She knows, if anything happened she needed to know, she would be contacted. Therefore, she doesn’t unnecessarily worry about him. She misses him, as do my nephews. Does she sit around feeling sorry for herself? Nope. She is a mother first, then wife….then somewhere down the line ARMY WIFE. She plans for the future, knowing it could change.  She and I had a conversation the other day, about how people handle the change to what they know. The edited version? If 10 weeks of separation has driven people to the lows she and I both see, there are going to be major problems in the future. BCT is nothing compared to what the Army really has in store for you. We weren’t quite that polite in our conversation, but I think you can imagine, if you know me very well. But here, I’ll say it bluntly.
Shut the fuck up, and get over yourself. This isn’t about you anymore. There is an old Army saying, If the Army wanted you to have a family, they would issue you one. This isn’t completely accurate, but close enough. You think it’s cute how you miss him. I think of nights spent sleeping with a phone, scared you will miss 5 minutes of barely legible conversation. You worry about how you are going to look when you see him, I wonder how you can CARE what you look like, if you miss him so much. Sure, looking good is a basic female desire. Got it. But obsessing over it, is a little over the top. HE DOES NOT CARE. He has seen nothing but ACU’s. A drag queen in a prom dress would probably look good to him right now. Harsh, but true. Stop thinking of yourself. Just STOP. For 5 minutes. And think about the BIG picture here. You love a U.S. soldier. He is never going to be rich, or famous. He is going to get taken from you, time and time again. Are you going to go through this self-imposed cry-baby stuff EVERY time? Because I have to tell you, he doesn’t need that. He needs you. Your love, and strength. We can’t be strong everyday, but we have to learn to put on a brave face, and cry behind closed doors. To the people who are there for you. NOT every person who can click on your profile, and think “Wow, this girl whines ALL the time”
There. If I pissed you off, I hope I made you think at the same time. I am not intending to be mean, just honest. Be that one, the one people look up to. The one people think of when they are having a bad day, and are trying to figure out how to make it to the next.
One of my most treasured “memories” so to speak, is a text my husband sent me one day. We hadn’t talked much that day, and he randomly sent me a message, that said “I know I dont say this enough, but I dont know what I would do without you. No matter what happens to ruin our plans, you pick it up, and move on to the next. I dont know how you do it, but I’m glad I have you”. Talk about blowing me away. I don’t think about it, I just do it. Whatever “IT” may be. I married a man, who happens to be a hero. I can sacrifice months at a time if I have to, if it means he saves ONE life. Food for thought guys and girls. Before you start your internal hate message at me, do some deep soul searching. Think, not only before you speak, but before you type.
“For so much more worthy as the soul is than the body, so much more noble are the possessions of the soul than those of the body.”

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So…..

So this is my first time doing anything remotely like this. My buddy Hunter is convinced I should share the things I think about, so I figured, why not? What’s the worst that can happen?

Actually, I have already considered exactly that. Someone, at some point, is going to get upset over something I say. So, here is my Disclaimer

This, is MY Blog. I am not always a caring and considerate person. I will say rude and/or offensive things. If these things bother you, please refrain from torturing yourself, and don’t read it. No one is forcing you. Don’t message me to argue with me. I probably will not care if I upset you.

There, that should cover it. Since what is on my mind today is somewhat likely to piss people off, I figure I should get ahead. Ready, GO!

My husband is in the Army. So, by most people’s definition, this makes me an “Army Wife”. I hate that label. And most of the condescending stereotypes that go with it, but that is for another blog. The reason I point it out is valid, I assure you. So, for the past 18 months or so, my husband has been “on the trail” meaning he is serving time as a Drill Sergeant. (No, it is not like Full Metal Jacket. That was MARINE Boot Camp, and Hollywood’s take on it at that). It IS a very stressful job. That part is no exaggeration. 16-18 hour days SUCK. But, it is something I deal with, some days better than others. Today, is one of the not so much days. Since I have felt like screaming for most of it, this is the written equivalent of my head beating against a wall.

My husbands Basic Training Battalion has a Facebook page. (Yes, I said that. Today’s Army is not what it once was.) They get updates and pictures, and advice or support from current Army spouses in our Battalion. I am one of those. There is no glory in it for me. I do it to help, because the military lifestyle is not easy. Things are very different than the civilian world. If I can help ease that transition a little, I will. Well, that has been true, up until this cycle. I still answer anything and everything I can, hold hands or whatever else needs to be done. But, today, my frustration has nearly boiled over. We are going to talk about something called rules. No one likes them, everyone has them. But, for the most part we follow them, because the repercussions aren’t worth whatever you gain from breaking the rules. Apparently, this concept is not one that some people easily grasp.

In the military world, there are rules of etiquette. Some are very basic, especially as to what is permitted in uniform. No PDA. Which involves kissing, hugging, humping legs….get my drift? This isnt a new rule. But, to society today, it is unnacceptable. “You mean after 10 WEEKS I can’t hang all over him??” No. You can give him a hug and PG kiss, until he is out of uniform. No, you can’t hold his hand as he walks around. This is something ALL spouses have to do.

“Well, I do what I want when I want.”

Did she really say that? Why yes she did. I can’t reply and tell her how disrespectful she is. I can’t tell her, I hope he gets smoked til his eyeballs bleed, because YOU want to disrespect him, his uniform, and his country by “doing what you want”. I have to be polite, and point at that it is a rule, and he can be punished for noncompliance. When I REALLY want to tell her to shut her ignorant mouth. Yes, 10 weeks of little to no contact sucks. Gotcha. I know. But, you can act like an ADULT and restrain yourself until an appropriate time. It is not the end of the world. Which brings me to my 2nd point.

If you think 10 weeks of BCT is the “hardest thing you will ever do”, you are in for a VERY rude awakening.

I am not saying this to be mean, it is reality. Some people have a hard time facing the truth. Deployments, schools, and other training are very likely going to interrupt Birthdays, Anniversaries, and every other “important” milestone you can imagine. Dinner plans will be cancelled with no warning, and you have to roll with it and carry on. Your loved one CHOSE this life. And hopefully, you were on board with it. So, face the facts. The military cares little what your plans may be. They will ruin them, time and time again, with no concern. They will send you places you never want to go, and if you are going to make it on this journey, you better learn very quickly how to make the best of it. They will take your soldier out of your arms, and put him in harms way. YOU have to stand beside him, knowing full well he could be gone tomorrow, and love him anyway. Whining, crying and cursing won’t make it any easier. You can do it, if it makes you feel better. Or, you can put on a smile and treat every change of plans like it was your idea. YOU are the one who controls your own misery. Now, stop being a little girl. There is no place for you in this life.

I gcás ina bhfuil sé, i gcás gur ag mo chroí.


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